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Let the stalking begin!

Hey party people. Just wanted to update you all that I’m in love again. Possibly awkward that I found her on my wedding anniversary, but what can I say love works in mysterious ways.

Now first, let me say that we haven’t met yet. We haven’t talked, seen each other or had any flavor of meaningful exchange, but that simply doesn’t matter. My last post was about how Wonder Woman grew up on an island that doesn’t even have running water, yet they’ve somehow mastered aeronautics, and invisible plane making somewhere in between their fighting with sticks. She commented.

At first I wondered, who is this commenting on my post, then I followed the link to her blog. I’m in love. The first four posts I read were about the devaluation of zombies in our modern consumer based economy, her unnatural love of John Waters, the evils of Facebook, and how much she loves bearded men.

A girl conversant on any one of these subjects would make me all blushy and quivery, but all four, seriously! I must have her.

I know, I know, it’s not perfect. I’m married, she has a boyfriend whom I’m eventually going to have to shiv. I don’t know anything about her, she doesn’t know anything about me, but this is love don’t spoil it with your reasonable assertions.

WTF Wonder Woman

Oooooohhhhh a lasso.

So I was watching some TV today and a wonder woman show came on. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to see it, but I totally noticed that one of these things is different from the others.

Wonder Woman (Diana) was born and raised on the island of the Amazons. All woman, all hot, no fatties (obviously not a comic written by women). They live a very simple life on the island. No electricity, no running water, they apparently just sit around all day eating nature’s bounty, and jousting with sticks.

Anyway, Wonder woman needs to go out into the world of “man” (neglecting the fact that the worlds population leans ever so slightly toward the feminine) and so she needs to get her some specialty tactical gear for personal protection.

It was either these or bulletproof nipple rings.

Item 1: Lasso that makes you tell the truth. Seriously. A lasso. When superman leaves his home he is invulnerable, can nuke you with heat vision, freeze you with cold breath, etc. Wonder woman on the other hand has a length of rope that will prevent you from cheating at cards. Yay for her.

Item 2: Bracelets that can deflect bullets. Okay, better, but still if you are going to carry around bulletproof gear why not oh I don’t know…a vest. Hey there’s an idea. Or maybe a suit. But alas, she can’t wear anything other than a battle bikini (must be an Amazon thing) and I guess if you are going to have a bulletproof princess prancing about while still showing as much skin as possible, then I guess bracelets it is.

What were you expecting...it's invisible.

Item 3: Invisible jet. How did I not see this before. W. T. F. Wonder Woman. You live on an island without running water, I can only assume that you wipe your ass with leaves. How the fuck did you get a jet?!? How the fuck did you get an invisible jet?!?! Who taught you to pilot and invisible fucking jet?!?!?

So for the record. Amazons live on an island lost in time, where they joust with sticks all day long because that’s the level of their technology. Yet, they also somehow seem to have access to invisible jet technology…somehow.

F U Wonder Woman. Thanks for making feel stupid.

Happy Anniversary

Suck it naysayers, you sayers of nay! Six years and going strong. Can you believe it?!

For those of you that don’t know Gretchen and I are celebrating our six year wedding anniversary…almost. See, what happened was that we were planning on getting married in October (2nd) however in June we found out we were pregnant, and she had no insurance. So we pulled together our first wedding in five days, with just close family, however we still had the dress and the reservation for the October wedding, and we’re not one’s to pass up a party.

So this is the sixth anniversary of our second wedding, if you do the math it’s like twelve years together already, or maybe it just feels that way sometimes.

Hiking Activity 3.06 mi | RunKeeper

Hiking Activity 3.06 mi | RunKeeper.

This was a nice hike out at West Pinnacles!  I took the day off to conquer the mountain, and Gretchen decided to come along with me.  It was a great date, it was a great hike, I was good all around.  I only wish it didn’t take an hour to get there or we’d do it more often.

I am Mudderless!

For those of you in the know there was supposed to be a Tough Mudder trip in my future. Long story short I didn’t wind up making it. Long story long, I went on an accidental 11 mile hike (read: got lost in the woods) two weeks ago that almost killed me (can anyone say airlifted?) and decided that being brave and being smart were not mutually exclusive terms. The hike that almost killed me was the same length as the Mudder with about 1,000ft. more elevation or so. Having gone through it I decided that attending the actual Mudder might be a bit much at this stage.

Good news is that I’m sticking with the training in anticipation of next years event. Better news is that Gretchen and I went on the non-lost version of the death hike I took two weeks ago. That last hike really kind of broke me. I’ve never felt that bad in my life and I have never been so thoroughly defeated in my life either, however not one to let things get me down so I decided to go back and kick that mountains ass! My darling dulcet wife decided that she wanted to come along to support me and we had a really good time together taking our time getting up there so some beautiful views (to include the Mrs.).

So the bad news is that I didn’t get to go play in the mud and get hit with a stun gun, the good news is that I can wait until next year and I got both my revenge on the mountain and a date with my wife all at the same time. All things considered a win win.

Batan Death March

Hiking Activity 6.70 mi | RunKeeper.

For those of you who don’t know…never go hiking with Pete.  He’s one of the guys who’s on my Mudder team and he’s always in the mood to go on a hike that is well beyond the ability level of others in the pack.  Unfortunately he’s also the only one who knows where any of the good trails are so for some reason we keep following him into situations we have no business being in.

Last weekend we went to Pinnacles National Monument.  It was a really nice hike, for the first three hours.  Hours four through six sucked.  Hours seven through eight made me start reevaluating my life choices.   That’s right all, an eight hour hike…over 11 miles…over 2,000 feet of elevation change.  So basically, other than the mud and the women in revealing outfits, we just did the Mudder course.

It was supposed to be a much shorter hike, but Pete (who told us he was familiar with the trail) led us down a path that doubled the hike and brought us all the way down the mountain so we could climb back up it.  My GPS ran out of juice only half way through the hike.  The whole course is below.

Don’t hike this trail!

It was brutal, we weren’t prepared…ran out of water…blah blah blah.  Just consider yourself warned, no hiking with Pete.

Hiking Activity 4.58 mi | RunKeeper

Hiking Activity 4.58 mi | RunKeeper.

Suck it gravity!  Today we did a hike at Garrapatta state park right off HWY 1.  It sucked, not going to paint a rosy picture here.  It took us three hours to go just over four miles.  The elevation change was 1900 feet.  It was straight up, and then straight down.

I was so happy when we got to the top of the mountain, thinking it was all smooth sailing from there, but no as it turns out going downhill that sharply is murder on the knees.

It hurt going up and it hurt coming down.

It was however, beautiful.  We started off at sea level and in the fog, but when we were about half way up the mountain we broke through the fog and we could see behind us a beautiful blanket covering the valley.  Above the fog the day was gorgeous.  The sky was a perfect clear blue and it was just warm enough and just cool enough for a descent hike.

Rob brought along his video camera so we have some great shots of the hike, the hard part is that you have to wade through several hours of nausea inducing back and forth camera work taking while hiking.