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WTF Wonder Woman

October 2, 2011

Oooooohhhhh a lasso.

So I was watching some TV today and a wonder woman show came on. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to see it, but I totally noticed that one of these things is different from the others.

Wonder Woman (Diana) was born and raised on the island of the Amazons. All woman, all hot, no fatties (obviously not a comic written by women). They live a very simple life on the island. No electricity, no running water, they apparently just sit around all day eating nature’s bounty, and jousting with sticks.

Anyway, Wonder woman needs to go out into the world of “man” (neglecting the fact that the worlds population leans ever so slightly toward the feminine) and so she needs to get her some specialty tactical gear for personal protection.

It was either these or bulletproof nipple rings.

Item 1: Lasso that makes you tell the truth. Seriously. A lasso. When superman leaves his home he is invulnerable, can nuke you with heat vision, freeze you with cold breath, etc. Wonder woman on the other hand has a length of rope that will prevent you from cheating at cards. Yay for her.

Item 2: Bracelets that can deflect bullets. Okay, better, but still if you are going to carry around bulletproof gear why not oh I don’t know…a vest. Hey there’s an idea. Or maybe a suit. But alas, she can’t wear anything other than a battle bikini (must be an Amazon thing) and I guess if you are going to have a bulletproof princess prancing about while still showing as much skin as possible, then I guess bracelets it is.

What were you expecting...it's invisible.

Item 3: Invisible jet. How did I not see this before. W. T. F. Wonder Woman. You live on an island without running water, I can only assume that you wipe your ass with leaves. How the fuck did you get a jet?!? How the fuck did you get an invisible jet?!?! Who taught you to pilot and invisible fucking jet?!?!?

So for the record. Amazons live on an island lost in time, where they joust with sticks all day long because that’s the level of their technology. Yet, they also somehow seem to have access to invisible jet technology…somehow.

F U Wonder Woman. Thanks for making feel stupid.

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From → rant

One Comment
  1. Can’t speak on the jet, but a bulletproof vest might weigh/slow her down or take away the visual appeal of her hips to waist to breast ratio. Much more worth it to just accessorize and keep that trim figure visible.

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